Potty Training: A special kind of torture

***Disclaimer, this post is all about my child's bodily functions so if this kind of shit (pun intended) makes you ill, then reader beware bitches!***

If you are one of those lucky sons of bitches that had a child who gleefully came up to you and said, "Mommy, from here on out, I am going to piss in that potty!" Well, I am real jealous of you! I think I've had the complete and total opposite experience with potty training. 

It's a bitch. 

Now let me run through my excuses as to why it hasn't been butterflies and rainbows. First of all, I waited and waited for that magical moment when my dear 3 yr old snot rocket would come running up to me, telling me he wanted to go on the potty. Sadly, that day never came, so combine that with two mini snot rockets that also craved my attention and I just kept putting it off. Honestly, I never minded changing all those diapers and I just figured I would wait til he was ready. Slowly, I realized I just had to bite the bullet and make him ready, bc it wasn't going to happen. 

So I started this bullshit potty training in June. JB was 3 yrs, 2 months. Looking back, I should have started probably a few months earlier, but whatever. I researched and researched and decided to do the 3 day method. If you don't know what that is, google it. I liked it and I don't think I would have had a better success rate doing anything different. 

The first day, of the 3 three day method is really ego deflating. We had minimal success but by the end of the day, I had convinced myself that it was going well. By the end of day two, I was feeling a little better. Day 3... I assumed I was a potty training goddess and that we had really nailed this shit down. Boy was I wrong. 

Then real life happened. I was no longer stuck inside my house for 3 days where a mini potty followed myself and the 3 year old into every room. I started to freak out every time we left the house that there would be an accident so I ended up relying heavily on pull ups when we left the house. I feel like this sent us into regression. Eventually, I got over my fear of accidents and just started putting underwear on him. Its been a real pain in the ass on a day to day basis but for the most part, we now have great success!  

So now here is a funny story. One day while we were about 3 weeks deep into potty training, all three of my kids decided to go play in our screened in porch area on the side of the house... I have a few toys out there that the kids can play with out there including this little fisher price toy chair.... 

So while we are out blowing bubbles and doing all kinds of fun shit, Jenna needs a diaper change... So I leave Jack and JB out on the porch while I go to change Jenna. About 3 minutes later, JB starts yelling for me...He's pretty damn excited yelling for me to come look. I find him with no pants pointing to this chair and exclaiming "look mama! look look!" 
So I obviously look at the chair to find...

Yep, shit. In the chair that he thought was a little potty that was clearly not. He was so proud that I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was in the wrong so I just high fived him and threw the damn thing in the trash... and laughed my ass off.  

He has now even mastered peeing standing up which for a 3 year old, is totally cool. BUT of course,  this has brought another problem. He won't sit on the potty and poop. In fact, he won't poop on the potty at all. He used to and now he won't. What the fuck kid? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS ME!?!?  so now we are trying to work through pooping every where but in the potty. Unfortunately, this is still occurring so I don't have an awesome update for you. BUT if anyone ANYONE has any advice on how to fix this shit problem, I will gladly take it... I am dying over here... I HATE POTTY TRAINING!!!! 

So one for announcement... add this to the things I thought I would never do. direct sales. Guys, I've become a LuLaRoe consultant... Now before you think, aw fuck sam, why are you doing this??? Hear me out, these leggings are in fact the shit. Their clothes are the shit. LuLaRoe's slogan is "Life is too short to wear boring clothes" and I fully believe that. So soon I will be having an open house to show off my inventory for all my followers to come and try and buy. I encourage everyone to try it out. No pressure, no presentations no catalogs. All the clothes are there on hand. It can't hurt right?  It can't hurt right?It can't hurt right?

So more details about LuLaRoe shopping coming soon. I will keep it separate from this blog but I will send everyone a link to my LuLaRoe page from my personal facebook in the next few days.  

Until then, peace out kiddos!